Sunday, May 26, 2019

Keeping My Own Counsel

Amazing that this month is virtually gone. With a few sunny days' exception, we've had more precipitation this month than in any May previously in CA. More rain historically means worse wildfires later in the year. So I suspect we're in for it this year.

It has taken me until just a year or so ago to learn to keep my own counsel, and I know that's about trusting oneself, and feeling the need for no approval from outside oneself.

What this means for me is that I really have no need to discuss or share anything with anyone these days. I can comfortably keep everything inside and work on it on my own. I don't need anyone's input, approval, sympathy, etc. I am my own person, finally.

I discovered that there's a lot of personal power inherent in abstaining from needlessly speaking about things. I feel strong in myself. I know I can handle anything that comes up.

This has likely rendered me not a very good friend to others anymore, insofar as sharing, kibbitzing, chewing the fat and the like go. So be it. I've had to learn over the years to be self-sufficient in all ways, which has made me have little patience for dithering or stuckness in others. This is who I am.

New topic ~ After a year of not painting with acrylics, I finally decided to get rid of 90 percent of my supplies. And am in the process of selling/giving away stuff right now.
There remains a place in my heart where I wish I could paint like so many artists do. But I just can't; painting isn't my medium.

What I came to last year, and what still applies, is that even the thought of painting causes me great anxiety. Whether that's because I'm afraid I'll never be good enough, or that I'm envious of others' work, or overwhelmed with possibilities, or anything else, really doesn't matter. The truth is that my body, via anxiety, has been steering me away from painting for over a year. And that's all I need to know anymore. I trust my feelings implicitly.

There's a very interesting story attached to the postcard in the last images...

This past week I was going through my collection of vintage postcards, as I'm planning to have a sale on Instagram in a couple weeks.

I photographed a few packs of cards to use as background for my sale announcements. I randomly chose the pack that this card was in to take an image of. I was lying in bed later looking at the images, when I saw the back of this card...sent "from your brother Sidney" to Gloria Schachter in New York in 1927.

This card was sent to my mother, from my Uncle Sidney, on her 5th birthday in 1927!!!

I have no idea where I got the card or how long I've had it. But how in the world did it show up in my collection 92 years later!?!?

I'm about half done with the back of the light-weight summer tee I'm knitting. Enjoying using the smaller gauge yarn. And my personal sock collection keeps pair right after the last. My new addiction.

Hope you have a lovely June! xx


Carol Cohn said...

OMG re the postcard to your mom from your uncle!! That is beyond amazing! And you just saw it now. Still shaking my head.

It is a wise, and confident person who, through studious introspection, realizes what in life works for her, and her alone. You've come to a good place in your life in the last year or so, and are now removing the clutter that takes up your mental and physical space. I hope you continue to experience inner peace and happiness in your new direction.

Meanwhile the collaging continues to be terrific!


Carol- Beads and Birds said...

That card is a mystery. Things like that happen to me all the time. I am with you on discussing topics which, for me, often leads to the other person wanting to dredge up old situations or gossip. I am no longer inclined to discuss my thoughts on just about anything. My husband is 72. His mental capacity is diminishing. He says whatever he thinks and is much more opinionated that he has ever been in the past and he is forever saying things without thought. I feel no need to reply.

Good for you on realizing painting is not for you. At some point one must decide what gives them the greatest joy in creativity and focus on it. I used to do so many artsy things. Painting was one of them. I was terrible at it. My knitch is fabric and needlework...sometimes beading. I look at your collages and wish I had YOUR kind of creativity. It's a kind of abstract that I would not know where to begin to create.
xx, Carol

john said...

So wonderful to visit your site and see what you have accomplished. Glad you are continuing with collage. :-)

jenclair said...

How wonderful to discover such a personal treasure amongst your collection! After 92 years--what an amazing surprise. :)

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