Monday, June 4, 2018
Timing is Everything
I am feeling better. And not just in a day-to-day functioning-in-life sort of way...
I've befriended this thing called depression and its role in my life. And this is what I've discovered...
The depression is a massive boulder of personal ancient history, that has kept me stuck and prevented me from moving forward in life...until now. I created this context for my injured soul when I was a child, as a way to protect myself from bad things (toxic people, confusing situations, difficult circumstances) over which I had no control, and it served to nurture me in the absence of actual human nurturance. When I felt threatened in any way throughout my life, I would go to that depressive place to lick my wounds.
So as much as the depression has been a millstone, it was also a balm, a place of great comfort for my wounded soul despite its life-sucking characteristics.
But depression is not who I am...I won't even own it by calling it mine. It served its purpose, and now I don't need it anymore. I may always need medication because of its impact on my biology. But I don't need it anymore to hide myself from the world...which doesn't mean this reclusive introvert is suddenly going to become a socialite 😉. It means that I'm going to honor myself, be good to myself, and live the rest of my life in a joyful way, letting go of that past that is not who I am.