Monday, June 4, 2018

Timing is Everything

I'm a big believer in ~ things happening for a reason; there being no accidents or coincidences; growth happening in its own way, at its own pace; connections ripening when one is open to seeing them.

I am feeling better. And not just in a day-to-day functioning-in-life sort of way...

I've befriended this thing called depression and its role in my life.  And this is what I've discovered...

The depression is a massive boulder of personal ancient history, that has kept me stuck and prevented me from moving forward in life...until now. I created this context for my injured soul when I was a child, as a way to protect myself from bad things (toxic people, confusing situations, difficult circumstances) over which I had no control, and it served to nurture me in the absence of actual human nurturance.  When I felt threatened in any way throughout my life, I would go to that depressive place to lick my wounds.

So as much as the depression has been a millstone, it was also a balm, a place of great comfort for my wounded soul despite its life-sucking characteristics.

But depression is not who I am...I won't even own it by calling it mine. It served its purpose, and now I don't need it anymore.  I may always need medication because of its impact on my biology.  But I don't need it anymore to hide myself from the world...which doesn't mean this reclusive introvert is suddenly going to become a socialite 😉.  It means that I'm going to honor myself, be good to myself, and live the rest of my life in a joyful way, letting go of that past that is not who I am.

7 comments:

Jan said...

Brava!

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

God bless you ~ FlowerLady

QG said...

Good for you! Very admirable and attainable goals! Here's a quote that inspires me, from Seneca: "As long as you live, keep learning how to live."

tgarrett said...

This post made me very happy- I have been on medication for depression for many many years and it really helped me- I try hard to let it be me the full of like person that speaks and try hard to let depression stay the background. Thank you for posting this Connie. Our moving truck comes a week from today- ABQ here we come.

john said...

Here, here brave soul! :-)

Meg said...

I so agree. I've come to see depression as time out. I wished I could choose when it comes, but I become... a little bit of a different person living in different areas of my life. And not a bad thing once I realize, OK, it's here again, have to change gear. <3 Thinking of you.

marion barnett said...

Well done, Connie. I know from long experience how difficult that road can be, lonely, too. The journey is well worth it, as we become our own best friend in the making of it. Look after yourself; you're worth it x