Saturday, August 12, 2017

Navigating Uncertainty

Mostly I'm reading right now, and spending time with BeeGee.

Doing a little art when the mood strikes, but not having any expectations of myself.

Embracing the uncertainty that surrounds us everywhere these days.  Learning how to navigate.

Be well.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

The New Normal

The new normal for me is that I'm living, everyday, with an acute sense of the fragility of life, of impermanence.

That feeling, that sense, manifests as the anxious quiver of being that underlies all of our human attempts to drown it out or cover it over with addictions to anything and everything...and not just drugs, but all the things we do every day in our lives to avoid actually being in the present moment.

Over the last few years I've made it a practice to remove all those distractions from my life, as many as humanly possible in this day and age, so that I can/could be present to exactly what's happening in the here and now.

And experiencing the anxious quiver of being, or the fundamental ambiguity of being human, is my ground of being now.  I felt it now and then before BeeGee apparently-suddenly became an older cat, in moments of utter quietude.  Now that I am taking care of this beautiful elder being, I'm living every day in this place of groundlessness.

My practice now is to learn to embrace it, to become comfortable with it, to do my life just as before, but with this inate shaky feeling in my heart and gut.  And just be with it.

This sense of fragility, of vulnerability, of tenderness, of impermanence, of groundlessness...

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Childhood's End

Mostly, this is an update on BeeGee.  The results of his xray yesterday are that he has major arthritis in his spine, especially his cervical spine and neck.  Poor bubie.  I can't imagine how much pain he's been in for so long.  Cats, as you cat lovers know, are extremely stoic, they bear their pain until they've got one foot virtually in the grave.  He'd also lost a lot of weight just recently because the pain made him stop eating anything more than a bite or two a day.

The vet gave him a steroid shot yesterday that should last for two weeks, and several cans of Urgent Care food that he's already eaten a lot of.  We're hopeful that the one shot will get him on his way to healing and recovery.  But if he needs additional pain management, of course he'll get that when the time comes. 

BeeGee is an elderly cat now.  To be honest, he is the first being in my life whom I'll be shepherding through old age and death.  So I expect there to be life lessons for me in the coming months and years. 

I'm gonna lay low for a few days, regroup, get my own creative routine back on track. 

Have a good week.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Facing the Unknown

In every new moment, we're stepping into the unknown. Although we surmise that the near future will be very similar to the present, we simply can't know what's just in front of us.

BeeGee has been sick this week.  I've been beside myself ministering to him.  Saw the vet last Wednesday, will go again tomorrow.  He's on an antibiotic but hasn't changed much in response to it.  It's unclear what the problem is.  Tomorrow we'll have an x-ray.  All his organ functions seemed healthy, based on last week's blood work.  So it's anybody's guess what's going on with him.   I'm sure you can imagine how I'm feeling.

I made a couple of 4 x 4 inch watercolor journals last week, with scraps of cold press watercolor paper -- see image below.  I have two more days left on my 100 Day Challenge, and I'll possibly use one or both of those mini journals to do another watercolor challenge for myself.  Or maybe I'll just work in them without challenging myself.  I don't know right now.  I can't even think about it, actually.

Other things on my mind...

Saturday, July 22, 2017

A Beautiful Summer Day

Today is the first day it's been clear and beautiful from the getgo -- every other morning since weeks?months? ago has been overcast and gray.

So I intend to enjoy today and this weekend, just like I've been enjoying all my days, regardless of the weather.

Have a great weekend! xx

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Savoring Life

All continues to be well in my world.  I'm savoring every minute of it.  There's really nothing to share these days...except my art.


p.s.  great article here.

Sunday, July 2, 2017


My painting this week focused on patterns, circles and other rounded shapes.  I'm really comfortable with circles and their ilk.

So much for summer... The weather here has been miserable, as in overcast for entire days in a row, and cold.  Yesterday I turned on the heat in the house; I've had to put on wool socks a couple times in the last few days.  I wake up in the morning to find it's drizzled overnight, the street is wet, drops are falling off the eaves.

I'm finding that now I'm experiencing some S.A.D., whereas I wasn't bothered with it at all during our interminable rainy season.  The weather should be clement in the summertime.

I've been in a quiet mood recently, one of those times when I don't feel much like putting myself out there in any way.  Nothing is any different on the outside; I just feel like pulling inward and being outwardly quiet.

Have a great week, and a safe holiday if you're in the States or Canada ~ happy 150th Birthday, Canada!  Wish I could be there, wish I lived there...