Saturday, August 12, 2017
Sunday, August 6, 2017
That feeling, that sense, manifests as the anxious quiver of being that underlies all of our human attempts to drown it out or cover it over with addictions to anything and everything...and not just drugs, but all the things we do every day in our lives to avoid actually being in the present moment.
Over the last few years I've made it a practice to remove all those distractions from my life, as many as humanly possible in this day and age, so that I can/could be present to exactly what's happening in the here and now.
And experiencing the anxious quiver of being, or the fundamental ambiguity of being human, is my ground of being now. I felt it now and then before BeeGee apparently-suddenly became an older cat, in moments of utter quietude. Now that I am taking care of this beautiful elder being, I'm living every day in this place of groundlessness.
My practice now is to learn to embrace it, to become comfortable with it, to do my life just as before, but with this inate shaky feeling in my heart and gut. And just be with it.
This sense of fragility, of vulnerability, of tenderness, of impermanence, of groundlessness...
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
The vet gave him a steroid shot yesterday that should last for two weeks, and several cans of Urgent Care food that he's already eaten a lot of. We're hopeful that the one shot will get him on his way to healing and recovery. But if he needs additional pain management, of course he'll get that when the time comes.
BeeGee is an elderly cat now. To be honest, he is the first being in my life whom I'll be shepherding through old age and death. So I expect there to be life lessons for me in the coming months and years.
I'm gonna lay low for a few days, regroup, get my own creative routine back on track.
Have a good week.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
BeeGee has been sick this week. I've been beside myself ministering to him. Saw the vet last Wednesday, will go again tomorrow. He's on an antibiotic but hasn't changed much in response to it. It's unclear what the problem is. Tomorrow we'll have an x-ray. All his organ functions seemed healthy, based on last week's blood work. So it's anybody's guess what's going on with him. I'm sure you can imagine how I'm feeling.
I made a couple of 4 x 4 inch watercolor journals last week, with scraps of cold press watercolor paper -- see image below. I have two more days left on my 100 Day Challenge, and I'll possibly use one or both of those mini journals to do another watercolor challenge for myself. Or maybe I'll just work in them without challenging myself. I don't know right now. I can't even think about it, actually.
Other things on my mind...
Saturday, July 22, 2017
So I intend to enjoy today and this weekend, just like I've been enjoying all my days, regardless of the weather.
Have a great weekend! xx
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Sunday, July 2, 2017
So much for summer... The weather here has been miserable, as in overcast for entire days in a row, and cold. Yesterday I turned on the heat in the house; I've had to put on wool socks a couple times in the last few days. I wake up in the morning to find it's drizzled overnight, the street is wet, drops are falling off the eaves.
I'm finding that now I'm experiencing some S.A.D., whereas I wasn't bothered with it at all during our interminable rainy season. The weather should be clement in the summertime.
I've been in a quiet mood recently, one of those times when I don't feel much like putting myself out there in any way. Nothing is any different on the outside; I just feel like pulling inward and being outwardly quiet.
Have a great week, and a safe holiday if you're in the States or Canada ~ happy 150th Birthday, Canada! Wish I could be there, wish I lived there...