Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Slow Going

Working on SunMoonStars now.  The first start didn't work for me, so I dismantled the column of five 3-inch squares into singles.  I'll use them elsewhere, quite possibly in something for this series.

But for now, I'm cobbling together bases on which to do further work, using scraps and odd bits as well as already-cut squares.

I'm not sure why it's being so difficult for me to just let go and stitch ~ stitch things together randomly, embroider with abandon, think outside the box, push the envelope.  I had the same kind of difficulty with painting.  A held-backness.

Things always appear to be easy when someone else does them, yet I struggle to just dive in.  This has kind of been a lifelong thing for me, a certain feeling of constraint.

I'm having a memory right now of when I was quite small, of coloring in coloring books.  My M.O. was always to heavily darken the lines with a colored crayon, and then fluidly fill in the space.  That says something to me about making sure my boundaries are secure before allowing myself to expand into the conscribed space.  I'd never let myself color outside the lines ~ that was a no-no.

I realize that I obviously didn't arrive at that all by myself when I was a kid, that I was responding to the messages I got from my environment.  Maybe I can sum up my life as being my best efforts to go outside the lines.  And although I've managed to do that in many and likely most aspects of my life, in my art, I've had far more difficulty stepping out.  So this isn't a new place where I find myself at the moment.  

At the risk of sounding defeatist, which I'm not really...perhaps I've hit my limit, an edge that I may or may not be able to go beyond.  I always like to think that I can go beyond, certainly always that I should.   But I don't know.  I might just be who I am (well of course I'm that!), have the level of talent or skill that I have, and this is what it is.

Something to think about, anyway.


Els said...

Oh my Connie, you have soooo many talents (that other people might
be jealous of) But most of the time your "worst enemy" is inside
your own head ...

Ahhhh ... colouring nót outside the lines was something you sure
learned at school when we were young. (most teachers, parents, kids
around you ....) Making your own choices (to colour inside or outside)
is something that needs to be learned that it is allowed !!!!!

I hope you have a good time stitching ....

(I will be catching up when this busy Pink Ribbon month is over ;-) !)

Love from far away !

Charlton Stitcher said...

I so understand your 'held-backness'. I have so many ideas that I just can't bring myself to explore, to dive in and let things happen. Perhaps it's just a part of the creative process for me (a pause as I think things through) ... or perhaps it's a rather trying personal caution which slows down progress and gets in the way of a true jump outside the box?

jude said...

well, maybe you are expecting too much or comparing too much. I just like to get my thoughts out. it's only cloth, nothing life and each about it. It is enough just to enjoy it. YOu can't enjoy it if you are worried about it. And also, if you don't like what you did, maybe it is just not finished yet. Keep going. I love the other worlds piece.

Jan said...

What everyone else said. And twice over. :-)

Judy Sall Fiber Art said...

The fact that you keep trying to work outside your comfort zone says to me that you are continuing to try to grow. If you don't try you will never know, but even when we hit a wall, I think we learn good lessons about ourselves. My Art teacher in H.S. wrote a note in my Senior Annual that I didn't know how to take at first, but it has been a good reminder for me:"Trust you will keep plugging away at what you want - work & more work will do it - & you have the requirements". I think that applies to all of us, don't you?

jenclair said...

For most people, that comfort zone alters with circumstance. You may not be able to push beyond whatever boundaries exist for you right now, but tomorrow or next week may find you easing over the edge. Or--possibly--leaping over. Maybe sometimes our boundaries are there so we can contemplate options until our comfort zone expands.

Blue Sky Dreaming said...

All thoughtful advice here as artists are always seeking their own 'way'. Permission and acceptance is good. Outlining can be a good thing and many artists work with contained spaces. ART is something the artist creates that has never been created before so it can be startling to see a new image and it is tempting to make it look like art we have seen before...letting a daisy be a daisy and not a rose takes courage.
This new piece has lovely balance in shape and color...keep going!

neki desu said...

I think you excel in makes your work vibrant full of force yet playful.
IMO that's coloring outside the lines ;-)(