|Acrylics on canvas board, 12x12 inches|
I looked at an apartment yesterday in the low-income senior complex I've been on the waiting list for ~ but I passed up this opportunity. At the present moment I am just not mentally/emotionally ready to move house. But now that I've seen the place (the units are all the same or perhaps a reversed layout, 600 square feet, one bedroom), I've begun the process of loosening my psychic hold on Rose Cottage. The next time I move, the next place I move into, will most likely be the last. The concept of some kind of permanence (obviously, nothing is truly permanent), some place to be for the duration, feels like an enormous relief. It's just that right now, today, I'm not ready to get my head around moving to the ostensibly last place I will ever live.
I'm still at the top of the wait list at the new place, and the next time they call, whenever that is (I've been on the list for three years), I'll be ready. Just the fact of there being a viable and doable alternative to where I'm currently living has opened up a space of possibility for me, internally.
Last night I started mentally making a list of yet more stuff I still have but don't need. And will begin divesting myself of it right away. Just because my new place, whenever I move, will be twice the size I have now, doesn't mean I want to fill it with stuff that's no longer usable to me. As it is, I'll need to buy again a few pieces of furniture that I sold or gave away five years ago, when I downsized to fit into Rose Cottage. So be it. My life has never been such that I could keep schlepping things forward with me, from one change to the next. At some point I had to get rid of most of it to create room ~ a vacuum, if you will ~ for the next phase to show up in. I'm not attached, at this point.
Have a great week. Happy Spring! xo