I've had to laugh over the last couple days as the Medicare/MediCal issue brought home the stance that was thrust on me and that I subsequently took on throughout my life, of being guilty until proven innocent.
In other words, having to prove to someone, to damn near everyone in authority, that I deserved whatever. It came in these guises ~
- How bad is it, really, that you need to ask for help (of any kind)?
- How badly do you really need new clothes...why don't you just lose weight so you'll fit into your old clothes?
- What have you really done to earn a raise or a bonus (...besides all the amazing, cost-saving, good-number-raising things you have done or programs you already have implemented)?
- How competent are you, really, to do the job we're considering hiring you for? (asked by numerous recruiters who didn't have the competence to do anything besides what they were already doing.)
- How much are you really hurting that you need intervention of any sort...be it medical, dental, psychological...?
I'm sure this has probably happened to all of us, especially us women. Constantly having to prove that we're better than men just to earn the fabled 79 cents ($.64? $.85? whatever) for every one of their dollars. Nothing against you guys, it's just how it is these days, and how it's been since Day 1.
Anyway, I've been a good adopter of the underdog status throughout my life. Coupled with the fact that I've always been a natural contrarian. Not that I set out to be contrary to everything. But never fitting in to anything anywhere, the common denominator never working for me, anything that works for everyone else in any domain of life simply not working for me, has pretty much put me in a class by myself. The proverbial square peg never fitting into the round hole. So I learned to approach everything from the position of being an outsider, one who fell through the cracks, one whose needs would have to go without being met. Collateral damage of a whacked out system.
Anyhoo, that's history and I'm not dwelling on it. All that living on the fringes in one way or another has made me the strong, loving, compassionate, conspiracy theorist I am today. I wouldn't have it any other way.