Saturday, April 25, 2009

Quiet Saturday

Everything seems different, yet everything seems the same. I'm sitting in my office early Saturday afternoon, trying to feel how this time and place is any different from how it was, say, three months ago. And how I feel is pretty much the same. Although everything on the outside is different.

I'm limping along, as it were, toward my growing comfort in/with my new life. Often, it seems, my attitude can change one way or the other in a mere second. In fits and starts I am getting back into the artmaking groove. At some level, though, I still feel really unorganized. I think it's that I'm still trying to get some sense of a Vision for my art and my life. I do know it's about bringing beauty into the world, in a general sense, and in pretty much everything I do. But that is such an amorphous context to be operating within, in terms of a direction, that it is difficult for me to grasp.

I've been finding myself really tired a lot, and sleeping as much as I can and whenever I can. That still doesn't amount to more than 7 or 8 hours at night, and often a nap in the afternoon. But it's this deep tiredness that I can't shake.

7 comments:

Gerrie said...

You have been through a lot. You and your body need to rejuvenate. I also find that a change in seasons makes me need more sleep as I adjust to the shifts in light and temperature. This time of year it changes so from day to day. I am sitting with my laptop, half asleep. The best laid plans of the day have gone awry!!

The Idaho Beauty said...

Gerrie's right about the physical and mental toll change can take as well as the change of seasons. I just went through several months of deep tiredness. I have to remind myself every year that I go through this in the spring so that I don't panic and run off to the doctor. It was suddenly gone right after Easter and I feel my old self again.

The tiredness can also be a sign of a touch of depression. Change, even positive change, change you want and look forward to, can unsettle you, and you may be grieving some small part you've left behind. Just give yourself a little more time, and keep doing a little something in the studio each day. It will eventually come together. Honest.

frazzledsugarplummum said...

Would you be able to get your B12 levels checked. It's very unusual to have low low levels but when I was 'dragging myself around tired', all the time my doctor finally decided to have that done. I had none!!!! A deficiency of that can lead to depression as well as the physical tiredness. A few b12 injections later and a test to see if I absorbed it naturally and I lost the terrible draining tiredness. Might be some help.
Shirley

tiedyejudy said...

Another contributor might be lack of sufficient exercise. I know... you just went through the fatigue of moving, setting up your studio, etc. I'm talking about regular aerobic movement to get the oxygen moving throughout your system, and letting the endorphins out. I always have more energy when I keep up with my exercise routine...

Sue O'Kieffe said...

and my .02 worth is thyroid levels....all good things suggested here...hoping you are feeling better as you settle into your change

Leigh said...

Gosh, I haven't visited in awhile and look at the lovely eye candy that greets me when I do!

I think I've missed something here about your life, and don't want to comment arbitrarily. Do take care of yourself, you have a lot to offer both the fiber world and the blogging community as well.

Brighid said...

I find that the b12 subliminal tabs, an iron pill, and fast walking really help.