Yesterday I cleaned out two full drawers of a 4-drawer filing cabinet. I dumped entire folders of articles and information I know I don't need anymore, without even going through the folders again. I know what's in 'em and I don't need it. I've already carted off eight or ten big grocery bags of paper to the recycling center.
I'm just recalling a time thirty years ago when I threw away early journals, and sold or gave away things that I probably wasn't really ready to let go of yet. But my motives were different then. And I later pined deeply for some of that stuff because I was still building my sense of self and apparently that stuff had had its place in my schema. The motive, then, for letting go of it all was that I'd hoped to be done with painful parts of my history that nevertheless came along with me until I really DID work through them, years later.
It's different this time. I am comfortable with myself, I love myself and who I am, and I want to be free to do things differently. I don't need the detritus that's propped me up, any longer.
Open Studios again today and tomorrow...I have a much better feeling about this weekend than last. Likely because I don't have that sense of desperation that has been driving me for so long.Thank God for that!