Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Value of Stuff

One of the reasons I think I've held on to stuff for so long is that I wanted to get good use out of it. Is that a concept from the Great Depression, or what? Who imparted that bit of wisdom to me? (my mother, is who!) Now I'm sure the better use of something that hasn't been used, or was used and won't be again, or was never right to begin with, is to simply be rid of it. The Value of Empty Space...empty space physically AND psychically.

Yesterday I cleaned out two full drawers of a 4-drawer filing cabinet. I dumped entire folders of articles and information I know I don't need anymore, without even going through the folders again. I know what's in 'em and I don't need it. I've already carted off eight or ten big grocery bags of paper to the recycling center.

I'm just recalling a time thirty years ago when I threw away early journals, and sold or gave away things that I probably wasn't really ready to let go of yet. But my motives were different then. And I later pined deeply for some of that stuff because I was still building my sense of self and apparently that stuff had had its place in my schema. The motive, then, for letting go of it all was that I'd hoped to be done with painful parts of my history that nevertheless came along with me until I really DID work through them, years later.

It's different this time. I am comfortable with myself, I love myself and who I am, and I want to be free to do things differently. I don't need the detritus that's propped me up, any longer.

Open Studios again today and tomorrow...I have a much better feeling about this weekend than last. Likely because I don't have that sense of desperation that has been driving me for so long.Thank God for that!


Unknown said...

Bravo, my dear! *Clapping and cheering wildly*
~Sue O'Kieffe

Meg said...

Ahhhhhhhh, you wrote these posts for me, didn't you. I hoard books (and yarns and weaving equipment.) When we first got married and lived in Yokohama, Japan, we had a 42 square meter apartment, and worried about earthquakes, of which we had plenty, we dedicated one room to all our books - in bookshelves, on the dressers, and of course stacks piled about 12-high on the floor. A girlfriend just down the road who lived in an apartment about 70 square meters took one look, and asked, "How much rent do you pay a month? Because that rent divided by about 7 is what you're paying to keep these books!"... Not that things improved much after that, but...