I wrote most of the weekend. I've committed myself to writing my life. I've made it my primary occupation until it's complete. It might be the most important thing I ever do.
I am very grateful to those of you who suggested that I do this, and for your encouraging words. Buddhists say, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." The timing is perfect.
I've already begun to notice an influx of energy, a kind of excitement actually. I'm sleeping even less well now. I wake up a couple times during the night wanting to write more. And the more I do write, the more I remember. And the clearer it becomes to me how all the earlier pieces of my life fit together.
I love to write. I've been keeping a writing journal in one form or another, most of the time, for going on 50 years. In many regards, journaling all these years has also been the telling of my life story, but from another perspective. Perhaps the difference is that a large part of my journals portrays me as a victim. Whereas writing my memoirs puts me in the role of protagonist in my own life story. Big difference. I suspect this shift in perspective is where my new-found energy is coming from.
This whole enterprise is a big deal for me. I have to repeatedly remind myself that my life has been different from most people's, certainly from anybody I know personally or have come into social contact with during my lifetime. (Yet even as I'm writing this, right now, I'm mentally comparing my life to what we see of the lives of people who are far more disadvantaged than I was...and thinking, "What right do I have to complain?")
Here are a few major themes from my life story ~~
- My mother was insane; she wasn't a mother for me at all.
- I came of age with a laundry list of neuroses that had been dumped on me.
- I made a lot of mistakes in raising myself. Essentially, I had to undo everything I was brought up with before I could start to build afresh. Consequently I was, and always have been, a late bloomer.
- I basically never had any help, financial, moral or otherwise, from any person in my life who might have been considered a mentor or guide.
- And yet...there's a happy ending.