Monday, March 20, 2017
Today is also the first day of the rest of my life, as it is for everyone else.
I've decided to start my life over, to begin again from right where I am.
That old script ~ the one where all I see everywhere is limitation, the one where the options appear to be few, the one that says "This is who I am and this is the way it has to be," was never my script to begin with. I didn't write it. I'm not directing it any longer.
Everything (well, many things) with me has always been heavy, portentous, serious, laden with shit (fear, shame, guilt, yada yada yada).
Enough with that. I've got the rest of my life to live. I've had more than a lifetime's fill of psyching myself out. I just want to live the rest of my life in peace, and be who I am without constantly apologizing for myself needlessly.
This is who I am ~ a great person, talented, creative, smart, intelligent, competent, productive and compassionate, with a good heart. I'm authentic, I'm sensitive, I always work to my best ability, and I try to do the right thing always. What more do I need?
Friday, March 17, 2017
Totally different subject ~ now that I am no longer following anything political, and by that I mean I went so far this time as to even cancel my print subscription to The Nation, in addition to ditching Facebook again, and Twitter, all of which were my only sources of news...with those obvious distractions gone, I am feeling less connected again to the world. This is where I'd post that cartoon, if I had access to it, that says, "My desire to know what's happening in the world is directly opposed to my desire to stay sane," or something like that.
Friday, March 10, 2017
A deeper equanimity comes when we learn how to be with our life as it is, not as we would like it to be.
Self preservation guided me to turn away from all that and focus on my life, the life I've been given to lead, the life where I can have some impact on things.
And all is well here in my tiny corner of the universe. I have a lot of blessings, and no real complaints. It's all working.
In addition to this week's collages, I've been working on a series of gift tags with bird collages on one side and bird stamp collages on the other. To give away to my peeps.
I really love making things and giving them away. I typically keep one or two pieces from any group of things I make ~ tags, ATCs, postcards, etc. ~ and distribute the rest over time to penpals and snailmates.
I've had better-than-usual luck this year finding good stuff at estate sales, book sales and the like ~ see photos below. Perhaps it's because I have a specific focus now in what I'm looking for, or possibly it's just luck.
Most of the stuff below is from a recent estate sale. The second image is a haul from my fave used bookstore in Eureka. There was an earlier estate sale as well, but I must have deleted the photo of my goodies from that one.
I have more ephemera and images from vintage books now than I'll ever use. Some of this stuff also goes to snailmates, who always send me some of their finds in exchange.
What a lovely world it is, exchanging precious things with kindred souls around the world.
And the Fortuna Library's annual book sale is tomorrow. I'll likely not stop collecting materials now, even though I have enough. The thrill of the hunt for good stuff is great fun, and I have no intention of depriving myself of enjoyment.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
I haven't been sleeping well. I've had heart palpitations quite often, lately. I feel less than great these days...although not sick with anything nameable.
Except perhaps disgust, dismay, distress, disquiet...
Saturday, February 25, 2017
One of my readers asked about being an artist and getting older. Thought I'd respond here, with how I see things anyway. Other artists will likely see things differently.
I came to the conclusion a few short years ago that I am more of a general creative person, although I do call myself an artist, than I am an Artist with a capital A. This distinction probably has a lot to do with how I manage creating and aging.
Despite the fact that I've been making art for over 40 years, I never devoted myself so wholly to one medium as to make a career out of that, to grow and develop in that one medium, to make that one thing my life's work. I was always more interested in trying new things, new media, new techniques, new tools, and changing up what I was focused on every so often. I think that's because I've always been attracted to a wide range of creative endeavors.
But I never have felt a deep compulsion to make art, like a "make art or die" kind of thing. I do it because I enjoy being creative, I love making things, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I've made something that I really like.
Until just a few years ago, I played the art marketing game as well as I could ~ art shows in the 1990s and early 2000s, Etsy and sales blog for a number of years, a variety of other online venues for brief spans of time. And then I eventually stopped doing any of that, and making art just for myself. I just stopped caring whether or not people bought what I created.
And that removed a lot of pressure for me to constantly be striving and competing. And of course, this all coincided with my aging, particularly in this decade of my 60s. I think this big change in my attitude toward creating really began when my body started to speak out ~ it became too painful to sit at a loom, to bend over to warp the loom, to swing my arms way to the side manipulating a shuttle; my wrists gave out from spinning far too much and too fine silk threads; I could no longer stand at the sink and rinse out dyed fabrics, nor could I easily lift 5-gallon buckets of water or big tubs of dye liquor on and off the stove or in and out of the sink; sitting at the sewing machine for hours on end stitching art quilts, or even sitting for hours hand stitching relatively large projects became too painful for my back and my hands. So I gave these things up, for all intents and purposes.
I used to look at other people's work and feel envious that it wasn't my own work, or I'd think I should be or could be doing work more like theirs. It was an internal competitive thing for me. Now I can truly enjoy others' work and applaud them for how beautiful it is, without feeling I need to do that too. I can be inspired now by others to do whatever I manage to do, and let my work stand as it is.
I also no longer feel as though I have to do everything there is to do. I gave up on that a long time ago. If there's something I do want to try, I'll do it now instead of waiting for that mythical time in the future. And if something doesn't work out to my satisfaction ~ some tool or material or medium ~ I'll drop it and move on. Or I'll come back to it later with a different perspective.
All I can say for relatively certain now, is that whatever I do create from here on out will likely fall within the range of my endeavors over the past few years: collage and art journaling; book arts; mixed media; painting; and small hand stitching projects. I'll do one or several things for a time, then switch up a couple areas.
Do the best you can, with what you have, where you are. And let the rest go.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
This first collage is one of my very favorites in the current series. It has a particular design/arrangement that I like a lot. What look like old photos are actually images from pages of an old book about Massachusetts. I love the overall vintage look of the spread.
I'm spending the day being online, which for me means I'm at my computer doing various things rather than just using my phone to be online. Otherwise today is just a normal Saturday, and I might even take a nap later.
Not much else to say. The seesaw quality of life continues ~ most days good, some not so good, like yesterday. The plot keeps thickening, the screw turning tighter, the depths of the coverups and the corruption more obvious daily.
What can one do to manage it all inside one's own head and heart, but take it one day at a time...and try to keep your head up and keep moving forward as consciously and mindfully as possible.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
If you're awake and aware, you know all about what's going on. If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention. I don't need to editorialize further.
Most of these collages are in my latest Midori insert, one that I made by hand. I used 6mm grid paper (the Midori grid inserts are 5mm squares) and 60# drawing paper. After making this one insert, I decided against making more. It's a bigger hassle than I want to go to just to save five to six bucks per insert. This DIYer has limitations these days ~ it's not necessary for me to reinvent the wheel just to save a few bucks.
Our rain in northern CA has stopped for a few days, and it's nice to see the sun. Floods, mudslides and road washouts everywhere, though.
Hope you're having a good weekend.